Just played "Eye of the Tiger" in my mind to gear myself up to call Dr. H's office. I don't know why I get so stinking scared to call. I hate to be the "Buggy" patient. But, on the same hand, they tell me to hurry up and get these MRI's done....which I do, and then no one ever calls to give the results.....so shouldn't I have the right to be a little "Buggy?" Maybe so, but none-the-less, I hate calling. The nurse checked to see the status of Dr. H. reading my results. I have told myself all along that either way, I have thought I was headed down the path of MS.....so the most that could happen would be to actually get good news that I wasn't. I've been trying to tell myself it's no big deal what we hear back. So, how come I am crying then, after getting off the phone with his office? I guess it's because I was secretly hoping when she got back on the phone she would say, "Looks great, the change is consistent with ADEM.....he will just see you back in November for a follow up." Instead, she said, "Looks like he really needs to see the discs from last time and this time so he can see for himself the change, and apparently there are new concerns in the C-Spine." I didn't love that answer. I kinda just want it all to go away. No more tests, no more results, no more waiting to hear! At this point, there is no other choice than to go shower and deliver my discs to the Doc.P.S. Every bone in my body is screaming at me to try and be a little positive.....so, to leave on a good note......I truly do feel good lately. Down to just a few pockets of numbness on the bottom of my feet, and around my waist. Still have the creepy electrical feeling if I bump my thighs, but other than that.....I feel great. There definitely are blessings to be counted.
4 comments:
I was hoping and praying with you that's the answer you would get. So sorry you are now having to wait...yet some more!
AAARRRRRGGGGH! What a mess. By the way, I LOVE the song "Be OK". I put it on my blog, too. :) I just want you to be OK today! It also says, "I just want to feel today". That's sort of funny because of the numbness we feel. HA! But also, sometimes I just want a clear answer so I know HOW to feel about things. Happy, mad, angry, scared, excited, whatever! I know that's how you feel too. You just want answers and an end to all this madness! So you can know how to feel, and move on with life!
I would stay at Dr. H's office till they squeeze you in and give you some info, but I am obnoxious that way.
Hugs to you! No matter what your news is, you are amazing and will continue to be an incredible wife, mom and friend to so many of us. MS is NOT a death sentence. You could be swiftly knighted into the MSed Up club. However, I am still a member of the ADEM for Sarah fan club.
Love you!
That stinks! Waiting is so frustrating! Don't they understand that you are on pins and needles waiting? Keep us posted. We will keep you in our prayers.
Your chocolate chip cookies work WONDERS! Better make a batch. Bring 'em some chocolate covered cinnamon bears, too. THEN you will have their full attention.....right???!!! So sorry. ((hugs)) Hang in there. You are doing great, Rocky. (Get it? "Eye of the Tiger"......Rocky....) I know I am dumb.
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