If Only.....

We could bottle this.....

Every Person out there struggling with MS would be cured!

We just had our little miracle baby.  The entire pregnancy I felt extremely good.  It was as though I didn't have MS.  I LOVED it!!  Every ounce of numbness I had prior to expecting, went away.  Completely.  I would recommend pregnancy to any woman with MS.  It really is the cure all......

I just wish it could have stayed that way.  It appears I still do have MS, dang it!  Within just a week or two after delivery, numbness reared its ugly head again.  Socks no longer feel good due to the numbness on the bottom of my feet coming back.  The inside portion of my legs are experiencing some numbness as well.  It used to be that when I put my chin to my chest, a zinging sensation would run up my spine.  Now it is just when I turn at my waist or move my legs a certain way that the zinging comes in to play.

I cannot complain.  It isn't horrible.  Totally tolerable, actually.  I was just so confident that I was in total remission and that I wouldn't have any more issues.

Talking to my hubby the other night about it all.....we are both completely amazed that in our day and age there isn't a cure.  Especially knowing what we know about pregnant women with MS feeling 100 % or close to it during the whole pregnancy. It just seems that there should be a way to bottle whatever it is during pregnancy that makes it go away.  If I wasn't getting older, and if it wasn't so hard for us to keep a pregnancy, I'd opt to have a bunch more kids!

 Thanks to my new little buddy for being just what the doctor ordered the last 9 mos for my physical self, and just what I ordered forever for my emotional self.  You have healed me in so many ways!

From the Mouth of Babes....

We celebrated my Grandparents 60th Wedding Anniversary the other day at a luncheon of family and friends. My 4 yr. old daughter loved it. She ran all over the place talking to people and eating all kinds of yummy food. At one point, I ran in to her, as I was heading back to sit at our table and she said, "Oh, Hi Mom! I just told that whole table over there about you!" I looked in the direction she was pointing and realized it was a table of my Grandparents friends that I had never met in my life. I smiled and said, "Oh really, what did you tell them?" Her reply has come to mind a few times since then, and makes me laugh when I think about it. "Oh, I just told them that you fell down the stairs with your nephew and now you have MS." Really Sis? That's what you decided to tell them about me? That's pretty funny! If only I had been a fly on the wall to hear the whole conversation and witness their response. Now, that's not something you hear every day!

Learning from Others.....

I opened my email this afternoon to find a link to a video clip from the Today show this morning from my sweet Sister-in-law. I watched it and have to admit, it was through tears. I know this is video overload in the last couple of posts, but this is the whole reason I set up this blog was to share and learn from all of us in this MS world. I LOVED this clip and hope it will bring some hope and encouragement to others as well. I have been contacted lately and have come to the knowledge that a few more people I grew up with have been diagnosed with, or are in the process of being tested for MS. I'm amazed at how prevalent this crazy disease is becoming. Of course, it's like when you start looking for a new car, all you see on the road is THAT car.......but I am blown away at the amount of people I have heard of in the year and 1/2 since my diagnosis. On a totally different note, before I share the clip, I wanted to share what I learned on Facebook yesterday from the National MS Society in regards to heat.......otherwise known as "Summer Weather!" We have finally hit the high numbered temps. Our city's Heritage Day Parade is this Saturday and I've already thought about how I'm going to stay cool out there on the pavement with the sun on my back. Last year we bought a huge umbrella, and it's kind of a joke, so with being pregnant and having to hide from the heat all together with football and other activities coming up, I'm in search of a new kind of shading tent. I thought it was interesting though, when a neurologist was interviewed by the MS Society. She gave tips on staying cool while not having to miss out on summer activities such as: Taking a cold shower just before leaving to be in the heat - apparently that keeps body temps lower for up to 2 hrs. Also, taking a thermos full of ice chips - with ice chips in your mouth, core body temps stay 2-3 degrees lower while in the heat, drinking lots of cold water, staying shaded and lastly - wearing a neck cooler while outside. I seriously think I'll try the ice chips and see how that helps. I enjoy walking around and taking pictures at my kids football games way too much to sit down under shade the entire game. Plus, they can't hear me screaming my undying support from under there! Hope that helps those of you needing to stay cool this summer! Enjoy the video.....thanks again Ally!

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"You Can't Underestimate Happiness" - Clay Walker

I have been asked a lot lately how I am doing. I know I have been horrible at keeping up this little blog the last few months. But the truth is, I haven't had anything going on in the MS portion of my life to really report or share that would be interesting enough for those who stop by here. I truly feel as though I don't have MS right now, so I have taken that and run with it! I joined the National MS site on Facebook last year. I came across a video they posted one day that followed a lady with MS and her quest for a baby. It was so interesting and helpful to me at the time, so I was trying to find it again on Youtube the other day to watch again how life was after delivery for her. I'm starting to have some thoughts about that now that I am almost 7 mos. The chances of having a relapse are higher after delivery, so I'm trying to prep myself for what may lie ahead. As I was searching for that video, I came upon another put out by the MS society of an interview with Clay Walker. I had heard he has MS, but had forgotten. I clicked on it, and loved it. It talks about every single emotion I have had over the last year or so since diagnosis.....and it's funny.....cause it explains exactly where I am right now in respect to my feelings. After watching, I have decided again, to not worry about post delivery at this point. I'm not going to search things out about it. What happens after our baby comes, happens. It's out of my control either way. So, as Clay Walker states, "You can't underestimate happiness." I am going to enjoy the happy, basically MS free times right now, and let the chips fall where they may in a couple of months......while crossing my fingers extremely tight, of course!

D-Day

One Year Down.....

One year ago today I received the news that my spinal fluid was positive and that the lesions on my Spinal cord reacted to the dye - which meant, a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. At that point, there were so many questions, so many things to think about, and so much fear.

I have to say, a year out now, I have a little more hope, a little more knowledge and a whole lot of gratitude that I'm a year into all of this and for the most part, am perfectly healthy and happy. I'm not sure why MS affects people so differently, one from another. You'd think it would come and do it's damage, and everyone would be attacked the same way. But, some of us have it in our brains - some of us don't. Some of us have it in our spines - some of us don't. Some don't have any lesions anywhere noticeable to machines or lab work - but have more symptoms than anyone else might have. That's what makes it a very complex disease that can have massive affects on some, and very little on others.

I have been told that because of the extremely high number of O-Bands I have in my spinal fluid, and the amount of lesions on my spinal cord in such a small area, that life should be very different for me right now, than it is.

I can't help but thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me and my family for the past year. I have had some struggles, I have been numb, and have had to miss out on some things because of this, but I also recognize that not once, has MS stopped me from moving or being a Mom for the last 365 days. To me, that is a huge blessing. I know that the possibility of me feeling this well through my whole life is very slim, but for now.....I am so grateful for the health I have had since the diagnosis was made.

My outlook on this is a little better right now. I do think it is because I haven't really been very focused on MS the last 5-6 months. I noticed when I thought about it constantly, or worried, I was worse off than just living life, staying positive, and putting the time spent on those thoughts towards something else.

I have been so grateful for the people I have been able to reconnect with over the last year while going through this. Anna and Jenny, you are huge examples to me and I'm so glad we've had each other to support and relate to.

It has been so neat to get emails from others who have happened to stumble upon this little blog and ask questions or Dr. advice, or just to offer support.

Yes, a year out.....Life is good. Life is great.
I only pray it might stay that way for as long as possible.

Talk About a Miracle.....

This last week in church, our Sacrament Meeting talks were all centered around Miracles. Each speaker shared times in their lives when they had experienced a miracle of some form or another. I have thought about that the last few days.

Ya know how we all have those little quirks that we do, that no one would know we do? For example, I fold my ears in when they are cold, til they warm up. I have the perfect way I do it too. My husband has tried folding them in and can NEVER do it right, the bottom half of my ear always pops out when he does it. I have done this ever since I was little, and I'm assuming this weird quirk/habit started because I had tubes 3 times and always had ear pain. Can't believe I just shared that.....but I did, and I have a point.....I promise this is going somewhere!

As I was sitting here, perusing the internet, I realized, while doing another little one of my quirks.......that the numbness I have had for SO long, is completely gone!! When the heels of my feet are cold, (I must have a thing with making sure every ounce of my body stays warm....I'm seeing a pattern here!), I put that heel in between each of my toes on my other foot, til it warms up. Almost from the very first symptoms of numbness, I have been numb on both feet between my Big toe and my second. So, basically a full year now, I have had numbness between my toes. I assumed that was the permanent damage remaining from the first few lesions that attacked my spinal cord, and never expected to get that feeling back again.

How are my quirks proving to be little miracles in my life? I was told by my Neurologist that pregnancy is like the miracle drug for MS. He said that many MS patients feel the best they have ever felt while expecting. Don't get me wrong, I have been super sick, but I have realized just how good I feel MS wise lately and am so amazed!

What a miracle it is, that as Mother's we sacrifice our bodies, so to speak, to carry these special little beings. But for me now, it is not a sacrifice. What once was considered a huge, dangerous beast wreaking havoc on my body and left me questioning each day I woke up....."What will shut down, or go numb today?" is no match compared to the miracle growing inside me. My little one has not only brought major happiness to a family who has so longed to have another baby after a couple of losses, but it is my little cure. How incredible is that? I can't wait til our baby is here to hold, love, kiss, smother and to thank profusely for helping me to feel so good, and to help my body heal from the damage that has been done.

The only difference between being pregnant with and without MS for me so far has been the tired factor. I was always super tired during the first few months with my previous babies, but this time around......if given the chance, I could sleep all day. Everything I have read and stories I have watched of other MS patients told me to expect that. I just didn't think I would crave sleep as much as I have craved food! I also have some issues with realizing when I need to use the restroom. Rather than having a feeling, I just get pressure. (Aren't you glad I shared?I have promised to be open and honest in hopes of helping someone else going through this!)

I hear there is a higher chance of having a relapse after delivery, so I am preparing myself for the worst, that way I can be pleasantly surprised if that is not the case when this is all over. I haven't made it any secret that my first Neuro. told me to stop having a family and to start taking the MS meds. But, for anyone questioning having a baby after an MS diagnosis, I would give the same advice Dr. H, my Neurologist now, gave me. Don't let MS rule your life. Live your dreams, and if having a baby is part of those dreams......go for it!! I'm so glad I listened to that advice, because it gave me hope that life can be and IS still great, and can be all you ever hoped for, regardless if you have MS or not. It really has been so good for me so far, and I'm so happy we listened to him, our hearts and the Lord and moved forward with our dream of having another child.

Utah Chapter - National MS Awareness Week

This week is National MS Awareness week. I opened my Facebook account last week to find a message from the National MS Facebook site asking me to find a way during the week to bring MS awareness to the attention of others. "Perfect", I thought. "That's why I have my little blog." So, here I am promoting awareness for MS. I read through the online booklet they sent me that was loaded with new research and activities that will be taking place all week throughout the Salt Lake area. I was excited to see they mentioned and gave credit to the awesome Scout who held the MS fair to inform kids about MS that I took my own children to. He definitely deserved credit and praise for that. I might even make my kids copy him in some form or another for their Eagle Projects. At the bottom of the article, it asked for each person with MS to share their story and then it had a little MS=, where they want MS patients to share what MS='s to them. I've thought about it and a whole lot of words = MS to me. Some are not so nice, others are! Ha Ha! But really, I've thought about that and I'm not sure what it ='s for me. Fear, anxiety, frustration, loss of ability and feeling, testing, Dr. Appointments, embarrassment at times, etc. But it also ='s testimony builder, greater compassion for others, strength I didn't know I had, knowledge, friendships renewed, new friendships formed, closer family relations, many acts of service rendered in my behalf, gratitude for good health......etc.

The other night I was at the Temple and saw a younger woman walking with the assistance of a walker. Her husband was right close behind helping carry her things. I found myself feeling so much love for this woman. I almost mustered up enough courage to tell her husband I would help her through the women's locker room. Just as I started toward her, another person stepped in and helped her the rest of the way. I thought about her all night. Did she have MS? Everything about the way she appeared told me she did. I don't have any idea if that's true, obviously, but I wanted to reach out to her and wished I hadn't waited so long. I think that's probably the greatest thing I have learned throughout this whole ordeal. I have such a greater love and compassion for those who are physically disabled. I recognize how wonderful it is to have a healthy body. I took that for granted before.

There is so much going on in the world of MS studies for a cure. I read the other day they are looking into bone marrow now, thinking that each person's bone marrow may carry things that could possibly be used to help fight MS. There is research going on that is finding ways to keep people from developing MS in the first place. Medicine is far better than it was in helping patients even just 12 years ago when I was working with MS patients. I only pray that a cure will be found within the next few years to help my young friends and I live mostly normal lives. I'm grateful to those taking the time to find a cure and to those who donate to the cause.

I was hoping to set up a team for the MS walk, but seeing as I am expecting and have MS, I am doubly tired and just want to hibernate. I will be all over that next year though, so watch out!I'm just rambling on now. But wanted to do my part in posting for the National MS Awareness Week. Here's to all my friends who suffer from this disease and to all those throughout the world who are part of this MS family. Thank you for your examples to me of courage, strength and Faith. May we all one day, live in a world free of MS!!!!!

You Are My Sunshine.....

Over the last couple of weeks, I have learned some information that I thought was important enough to share with all of you. I had my check up with Dr. H. 2 weeks ago. During that appointment, I asked him again what the odds are of me passing MS on to my children, or to any future children. He reiterated again, that the chances are very slim. His Father has MS, yet none of his siblings do, at this point. Dr. H. said that he gives his own children Vitamin D. He actually gives them extra. I had never heard before that Vitamin D is a good barrier and protector against developing MS. I have thought about it, and have considered doing the same thing for my kids. This morning, as I loaded on to Facebook, there was a message from the National MS Society stating the same thing. A study done in Australia is proving that Vitamin D and frequent exposure to the Sun has a huge impact on helping people to not develop MS. Just thought I'd pass that information along. I for one would like to do everything I can, to help keep my family from ever having to experience this disease. Hope that helps!