Perspective

I have been asked a lot lately, how I am doing. Truth is, the last couple of days, I have felt pretty good, emotionally and physically. The initial sting when first getting the news, is never easy. Life feels like a heavy weight on those days. I think I have been riding the wave of denial for a few months now. When I was first told MS back in March, I was shocked, but somewhat unbelieving. In the back of my mind, I truly felt like this couldn't really be happening to me, and that down the road, we'd find out it was all a mis-diagnosis. So, when Dr. H. gave us a glimmer of hope with the whole ADEM thing, it just made sense that's what it would be. Until the numbness after my fall, I had never had any symptoms. Having ADEM would seem the most logical where I had had the H1N1 shot in late November and was sick from then til Feb. with a horrible cold. To hear the news on Wednesday that I had more lesions, and more areas of concern with change, was devastating. Hard pill to swallow. No one wants to hear that they have a chronic disease that may alter their life on a daily basis. The unknown of MS is the most frightening thing. One day I could be me, and the next, someone I don't recognize. However, I had a conversation via texting with one of my dear friends the afternoon I had found out. Ironically, I was at the mall finding me a new outfit to make myself feel better! (Why do we do that? Not sure, but for some crazy reason, it did help!) Anyway, she sent me a text telling me how sorry she was that I had to go through this and that she felt bad for feeling sorry for herself for the trials she has had......feeling that hearing about mine, made hers seem irrelevant. Funny thing is, I have felt silly for complaining to her about mine, because hers seem far worse than having a little numbness and a diagnosis of MS. We kept texting back and forth, all the while I was in the dressing room of Aeropostale trying to fit into teenage-sized T-shirts! (That WASN'T making me feel better!) I kept thinking over and over about this friend of mine and all that she has had to endure - losing 6 pregnancies, family trials, financial frustrations, etc. I realized how much I admire and look up to her and how much I have learned from her example through it all. I am blown away at all she has had to go through. I don't think I could have endured what she has had to endure, and I definitely know, I could not have endured it as well as she has. As I left the mall and rounded the corner of the street, I came upon a UTA bus that was parked at one of it's stops. I witnessed the bus driver, lifting a man in a wheelchair into the bus. As I looked closer, I saw the man had lost both of his legs from the knee down. My heart ached for that man. Here I was, feeling so sorry for myself because I had just been handed a life with Multiple Sclerosis. The thing is, while that's hard, at that point in time, I had both my legs. I was walking the mall. I could drive myself back home. This man had to have assistance just to get on the bus for a ride somewhere. It was all put into perspective for me, right then and there. I drove home thinking of my friends who have lost children. Friends who have beat cancer. Friends who have lost a spouse. Friends who have children with disabilities. If all trials were set on a table, I think I would still choose my own. Regardless of our situations, none of us are exempt from trial. That is why we are here - to learn and grow and to prove ourselves worthy of our Father's Home on high. I had lost sight of that for the last little bit. I was grateful for the reminder that day, that very day that the news came in. Heavenly Father knows me, loves me, and is there for me, no matter what I am asked to over come. I can do this thing. I can host this disease. I can beat it. I know I can, with the help of my Heavenly Father and with the help of all of you who love and support me. Don't get me wrong, tomorrow I could be mad and scared again. But that's life, isn't it? We have ups and downs along the way. I am headed for many I am sure. But for now, while everyone is asking how I am doing......my perspective is.....I am ok. This is ok. All will be well.