Last night I had a very surreal moment that one would have sworn was deja vu! Watching my nephew, I was told he needed me downstairs where we keep all of the toys. Finding him sad, and crying for mom, I picked him up without hesitation, carried him up the stairs and sat down in the study with him on my lap. No sooner had we sat down, than the deja vu feeling came. There I was, with my same little nephew, in my same high heels, on the exact same week where just one year before, he and I had fallen down the stairs. You may recall that within a month or so of that incident, testing began on my body to check for MS. It was a very strange feeling as I sat there and played all of that out in my mind again. Apparently I haven't learned my lesson as far as carrying children on stairs while wearing heels, but this time we walked UP instead of down and I did hold on to the railing with one hand!After they left, I shared that experience with Trav. We both kind of sat in silence, and then he too brought up the fact that I hadn't learned my lesson, but both amazed that it has now been a year since all of this started to appear. We talked about all that took place during those first few months - Dr. Visits almost weekly, MRI's, Blood Work, Spinal Taps, Physical Exams, dreaded waiting on results, Priesthood blessings, ward fasts, many days and nights on our knees, trips to the temple, etc.
Going to bed with that on my mind, triggered the dream I ended up having, I assume. In my dream I was visiting teaching. One of the Sisters in the group asked me to share my experience this last year and what I had learned from it so far. Rather than talking about high heel safety, I found myself testifying to everyone in the room that more than anything, I learned that my Heavenly Father truly knows me by name. He loves me. He knows my heartache. He knows my struggles. He knows this hasn't been easy, but He also knows that this will make me stronger and has helped me grow closer to Him. I have learned I am never alone. There is always a friend, family member or neighbor asking how I am doing. There is always someone going through some kind of trial or another that needs my compassion as well. I remember getting choked up as I was sharing all of my feelings with them, so much so, that it woke me up. I laid there under the covers this morning playing that dream out in my mind. I realized how blessed I really have been this year. When all is said and done, I have truly learned all of that. This dream felt like a tender mercy from my Father in Heaven that all is well. All will be well. No, it hasn't been an easy year. A diagnosis of MS and a miscarriage in one year are definitely grounds for feeling sorry for myself a time or two, but when all is said and done, the blessings far out weigh the problems.
As I looked at all of the Christmas Cards we received hanging on our doorway, I realized that every single one of the friends in those cards have been extremely supportive in one way or another this year. What a blessing you have all been in our lives. I count myself lucky to know each of you. As you visit and comment on this blog, you leave wonderful words of encouragement and are true examples to me of all that is good. Trav and I are so appreciative of all the love and support we have received. I don't feel deserving of it at all. I have been amazed at all of the new friends I have made, or old friends I have been able to reacquaint with from this little blog. I'm glad the inspiration came to start it, it too has been a blessing in my life this year. To vent, to share, to journal, and to inform has been very helpful.I usually don't like change. I'm not so good at dealing with it. However, the last 2 years, as we have celebrated a New Year, I have to be honest and say I have welcomed it. This year with all my might, I am praying 2011 will bring with it some major happiness, good health for us all, and if the Lord sees fit, the opportunity to once again wear some maternity clothes......this time for a full 9 months.
Happy New Year to you all. May the Lord bless you always for having a major impact on my life.
