Scouts Are: Honest, Trustworthy....and Inspired!

When we were going through our miscarriage a few weeks ago, we struggled to know how to tell the kids. Because they didn't even know we were expecting yet, we wondered if we should even fill them in on all that was happening. One night, Tyler found me in our front room crying. Putting his arm around me and with a look of concern on his face he quietly asked, "Mom, is MS eating your body?" My heart dropped. Here he was concerned that MS was just slowly killing me. I realized at that point, that we hadn't told our kids enough about MS and what it does. I also realized they deserved to know and understand why Mom was such a basket case those few days. Travis was gone at a church meeting, so I had to go at this one alone. I called them all around me and explained as briefly as I could about the miscarriage and then a little bit more about MS. Problem is, it's complicated. Since we don't know how I got it, or anyone gets it for that matter, it's hard for them to understand. I answered other questions that came the best I could, but then worried if I had told too much, or if I had told too little, adding to the confusion.

You can imagine my excitement then, when a couple of weeks ago, Anna, my long time friend and now partner in crime in living with MS, sent me a message. She told me about a Scout in Kaysville that was doing his Eagle Project all centered around MS. His Mom was diagnosed 5 years ago, and he always felt like there wasn't enough out there to explain to kids about it. So, when it came time to do his project, he and his Mom put together some incredible things and pulled off an amazing MS Kids Fair - all for Kids whose parents or other family members have MS.

We had to wake the kids up early Saturday morning, which they weren't too thrilled about. When I told them where we were going, they were actually very agreeable and got ready to go. As I was doing my hair, Ty was in my shower. "Mom, can boys get MS?" "Yes Ty, there are many men throughout the world with MS." "Oh, so, should I stay away from you then?" I immediately looked at Trav and said, "This is such a good Eagle Project. I'm so glad we're going!" We then took that question and hopefully helped Ty understand I'm not contagious.The MS Fair was Awesome! Trav got sick on the way there, and we had to take him home. Boy did he miss out. A nurse from an MS clinic in Salt Lake came and talked to the kids. She taught them the basics of MS by getting on their level. She asked if any of them had scars. Garrett showed some of his. She then went on to explain that his scars are visible. MS scars are not. The literal meaning of Multiple Sclerosis is Many Scars. She told how lesions attack the myelin covering of our nerves and cause the damage. The kids got a chance to tell about the people they know with MS and what some of the problems are they suffer with because of it. We were then taken into the gym to an obstacle course they had set up. Each one got a chance to try it as themselves. Then, they put on a pair of glasses that distort your vision, and a weight around their ankles and go through it again. It was an eye opener to see them struggle by adding those two things. Anna and I both commented on how it was to watch our kids gain an understanding of what life is like for us at times. They had prizes, an MS awareness bracelet making station, and an MS memory game to do. A cartoon video was shown from the view of a spaceship traveling the central nervous system and teaching us what it all looks like when MS is present.I loved this little sign the Girl Scouts made so much,
that I added it to my sidebar!
Made me and Anna smile!

I thought this was one of the most worth while Eagle Projects I have heard of in a long time. It was such a blessing for me to be able to take my children and have them spend a few hours learning about MS and have some of their questions answered. They had a great time! When we got home and made lunch, Ty offered the prayer. He thanked Heavenly Father for the opportunity they had to learn about what Mom is dealing with and how they can help her. I think we will have to make this a future Eagle Project of our own. Thank you Anna for thinking of us, and thank you Little Scout - you definitely deserve the honor of the Eagle Rank!

This little Blog of Mine......

.....has suffered lately, I know. Truth is, there isn't much to report. I have mentioned before what a huge rollercoaster ride it has been with this whole thing. Some days you're up, some days you're down. Sometimes, you don't know how long the span will be till you go back Up, or you go back Down. Funny thing is, today I was driving home from my Grandma's house and got to thinking how good I have felt lately. When I was expecting, even the short while that it was, I felt SO good. I actually felt, and have continued to feel since, the bottom of my feet touch the floor. Crazy how we take that feeling for granted. Pregnancy really is the miracle drug for this thing we call MS. If only I could bottle that up. Just think of the bazillion people in the world I could make extremely happy! Sometimes I feel like I'm holding the flower and instead of saying, "He loves me. He loves me not." I'm saying, "I have MS. I have not. I have MS. I have NOT!!" Today was one of those days. I found myself thinking, "How can I feel this good, and still have MS?" But, you never want those thoughts to linger too long, cause as soon as you think that, BAM! The roller coaster dips back down full speed and you find yourself numb from the waist down again. Either way, I'm thanking my lucky stars for feeling this good, for this long. That hasn't happened in quite a while. So just for today, I'm gonna pretend that the last petal ended on....."I HAVE NOT!"

Unlocking the Door to Heaven......

Sitting at the piano a few months ago, after the first diagnosis of MS had been given, thoughts of all we had been through in the last couple of years came to mind. I realized that through it all, blessings and comfort had been a part of it as well, lifting our spirits and seeing us through. I had learned so much about facing trials and relying on our Heavenly Father. Before I knew it, those thoughts formed words to a song and within just a few minutes, I had it written down. At the risk of looking like a total dork, I'm sharing this today.

There's a quiet peace that comes when I'm in need of comforting. A quiet peace that's felt when I'm on my knees in prayer. And I believe it comes from Thee, to strengthen and endure. And I believe, that's what peace is for.

There's an overwhelming love that comes, when I feel all alone. An overwhelming love that comes when I feel I can't go on. And I believe it comes from Thee to strengthen and endure. And I believe, that's what Love is for.

Father, I have felt Thee near me through my darkest hours on Earth. And I have felt Thee near me, when I'm questioning my worth. Father, I know that you're near me every step of every day. And I know that you will be there for whatever comes my way. Father, help me, to feel Thee now.

There's a joy that can't be felt unless we feel a little ache. But there is one who came and gave His life, for our pain to take. And I believe that He was sent, to help me find my way..... back to that Heavenly home from where I came. (Then back to the chorus)

So, at the time those words came, I didn't think much of it. It was fun to sit down to play and sing to myself and an empty room. However, this last week, those words took on a whole new meaning. After almost 2 years since our last loss, of trying for another little one, we finally found out we were expecting. We were thrilled! In the back of my mind however, I was scared. After a loss, it's hard to believe that it will ever truly happen again. I tried as hard as I could not to think about anything going wrong. I started looking for maternity clothes on line. Started looking at the baby isle when I'd go grocery shopping. I couldn't wait. We got in to my OB within a few days of finding out, so that we could make sure everything was ok MS wise, and baby wise. We were also needing to see him for the referral to see a Para-natalogist. My Doc. did an ultrasound last Monday and everything seemed to be headed in the right direction. Not much to see at almost 5 weeks, but what was there, was right on track. Our excitement quickly turned to fear the next day, when I started having some cramping followed by other things. I knew it wasn't good. I prayed and Trav gave me a blessing. Later, I called the Dr. and they said to just rest and try to relax. Some of these things were completely normal, but time would tell. By the next morning, things were really bad, so they got us right in. Another ultrasound confirmed that I was in the process of miscarrying this baby, and that there was a possibility it could be tubal. There was nothing they could do. During our last miscarriage and through all of the MS stuff, I truly felt close to my Father in Heaven. I have stood many times and testified that I know He lives, I know He knows and loves me personally. This time around, I have to admit, I had thoughts in my mind such as, "Why doesn't Heavenly Father love me right now?" "What am I doing wrong?" etc. I really struggled with some anger and frustration those first couple of days. One night, while Trav was out on Elder's Quorum visits, I sat back down at the piano. Without much thought, I began playing my song. This time, as I sang those words, I had a very peaceful feeling come over me. I realized that I was singing my Testimony and that that song had come at that time a few months ago, to bring comfort during this time now.

As conference came I hoped to hear words that would comfort and heal me. Funny thing is, the talks about trial or the Holy Ghost weren't the ones that had the effect. The one that hit home the hardest to me was President Monson's talk yesterday about a having heart full of Gratitude. He said something that hit me so hard, I hurried and wrote it down. He stated, "When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it's often difficult to focus on our blessings. However, if we dig deep enough, we will realize just how much we have been given......To live with Gratitude is to touch heaven....... When we give thanks, we unlock the door to Heaven. This in turn helps us feel our Heavenly Father's Love." I had hardened my heart in the last week by focusing on everything negative in my life, rather than focusing on the blessings Heavenly Father has given me. I can only hope He will forgive me and understand my heart.

I am Eternally grateful for my sweet husband, who also tried to help me see all of our blessings this last week. I never hear him complain any time we are dealing with a setback. He is the perfect example to me. I'm so grateful again, that he was there with me, to hold my hand and let me cry. I love him with all my heart and thank the Lord every day he's in my life.

My heart is full of gratitude today, but the list is longer than this already extremely long post. I'm so thankful the Lord saw fit to answer my prayer through our dear prophet and his great council to be mindful of the blessings we have. I only pray that as I try to do so, the doors to Heaven will be opened for me to feel my Heavenly Father's love as I try my hardest to learn from this trial and keep moving on. I truly have felt him there during my darkest hours, and I know that through prayer, He will be there for us through this.